9 Ways to Control Your Anger and Feel Calmer

You know well the feeling of your blood pressure rising, your fists clenching, your jaw tightening and your voice rising in anger.  It doesn’t feel good, does it? Anger is a reaction to a stressful situation.  

What if you could learn to respond in a different way?  A way that would leave you reigning in life, with your dignity intact and hope that the situation will work out for good. A way that will honor God and not invoke more stress on yourself and those around you, or make you later regret what you said or did.  

Here are 9 ways to control your anger and feel calmer:

1. When you get angry, you are poised for a fight.  You can instantly take steps to diffuse your feelings by intentionally forcing yourself to stretch out your fingers, reduce the tone of your voice, open your arms wide or slump in a chair.  Do the opposite of what you feel like doing by an act of your will.  Stress always has you constricting, so find ways to open up physically or a relaxed posture such as lying down.  Have you ever tried to fight lying down? It's difficult to do!
   
   
2. Picture Jesus in the room with you.  Would you yell at your child like that if Jesus was right there watching you?  Would you act so snippy to your waitress when your food isn’t cooked right if Jesus was at the table eating with you?  He is with you all the time so draw on His strength and calmness.
   
   
3. You’ve heard of counting to ten to slow your anger, well even better yet is to find a Scripture that is ten words long that you can recite when feeling angry.  “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me” - is 10 words, for example. Repeat it ten times if necessary. The time passing and the exhortation of Scripture will dissipate the anger and help you respond instead of reacting.
   
   
4. Most of the time anger is an accumulation of many small inconveniences, irritations, and hurts.  So make a list of everything that is making you mad no matter how small or silly they seem. Just the act of writing it out and getting it out of your head will keep it from accumulating.  Journaling or talking it out with a trusted friend or coach will also help.
   
   
5. Chip away at your anger by praying for one of those small annoyances at a time.  You’ll weaken your anger issue to the point that you can start reigning over it and not be ruled by it.  Chipping away at will be easier than just deciding to be perfect starting today.
   
   
6. When you feel the anger starting to rise, ask yourself, “Is it worth it?”  The anger may be causing you to lose friends, jobs, and respect from others.  You are likely making a fool of yourself and harming others. You are definitely hurting your health and your witness for Christ.  Is it worth damaging your marriage, your child’s self-esteem or your ministry? Is this ten cents of hurt worth a $1,000 of angry emotions?  What you say may only take a few seconds to say in anger, but the effect could last a lifetime.
   
   
7. When anger arises, don’t sulk, brood and indulge in self-pity.  Just as you would quickly treat a physical cut to your finger, you need to quickly treat an emotional cut to your heart.  Otherwise, the situation will get out of proportion in your mind. Immediately apply love, forgiveness, and prayer to the situation.
   
   
8. Start praying for the person you are mad at.  Your boss, the politician, the driver of the car that hit you, the person blocking the aisleway, or the waitress that hasn’t refilled your coffee.  Literally, pray the anger out of your system. How many times will you have to pray? One person kept track and said it took him 64 times. But then it was gone.  Are you willing to commit to the command to love to this level?
   
   
9. Ask God to give you love for that person.  “May the love of Christ for ____ flood my soul.”  Supernatural love casts out fear. Anger is a fear that you have been taken advantage of, disrespected, disregarded.  Love is what is needed to cast it out.

Anger left unchecked keeps us riled up and stressed.  I challenge you to pick two items from the above list that you will apply to the very next situation that gets you angry and see if you don't feel calmer.  


Learning to respond differently than we have in the past can be a matter of breaking bad habits and choosing different responses.  It's about responding from our spirits and not reacting from our souls. 

"Those who are motivated by the flesh only pursue what benefits themselves. But those who live by the impulses of the Holy Spirit are motivated to pursue spiritual realities. For the mind-set of the flesh is death, but the mind-set controlled by the Spirit finds life and peace. In fact, the mind-set focused on the flesh fights God’s plan and refuses to submit to his direction, because it cannot! For no matter how hard they try, God finds no pleasure with those who are controlled by the flesh. But when the Spirit of Christ empowers your life, you are not dominated by the flesh but by the Spirit." Romans 8: 5-9a TPT

Having a mind-set controlled by the Spirit where you are allowing your spirit to dominate your flesh or soul is when you'll experience life and peace.  The Spirit of Christ will empower your life to live free from stress, worry and fear!

Understand the concept, want the results but having trouble applying it to your life?  That's what I do!  Set up a time to talk with me about how I can help you.